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Actualizing the Personal
Essence |
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| The most profound and encouraging understanding that I've acquired, is that each of us is inevitably engaged in a process of unfolding a magnificent and unimaginable potential. A process that realizes what lies within us. Many schools and traditions describe the possible outcomes that such a process might realize; e.g. our true humanity, spiritual maturity, complete humanness, the Christ consciousness within, the Atman, our Absolute nature, etc. I will use spiritual maturity or true humanness. | |||
| In each heart there is a wisdom about and the desire for this inner realization. In fact, the heart will not be happy, at peace nor content until this spiritual maturity is accomplished. The heart's discomfort with its current situation and desire to embark on the path of realization is often obscured and numbed by many veils. However, the impulse never ceases, remaining unconscious and vague until the time it can emerge into consciousness. | |||
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| This last point is fundamental to the development of a systematic process for growth. If the whole structure of personality/ego was built as a reaction to essential loss/disconnection in childhood, then the personality is always trying to compensate with its thoughts, self-images, and actions for the absence of essential qualities. We can only conclude that there is a false self living a life. The difficulty is that reality does not support what is false, so this false self (ego self or personality) will always be running into problems. In fact if one looks at their life they will see that these problems are not random but are repeated patterns and frustrating habits of mind and heart. | |||
| A person can begin to see that there are patterns of issues, needs, and unrequited longings that naturally arise in the course of their life. There are two ways to work with this dawning realization. The ego's solution is always to once again look outward for hoped for satisfaction, pleasure, and success. What if there is another perspective that says, "What if these issues and longings are directly related to some missing part of my very being? Could this pattern of frustration mean that I have been trying to fulfill something that is only possible by reconnecting with my own nature?" | |||
| Once this kind of inquiry has begun all problems of the personality/ego can be used as signposts indicating a direction for us to focus our attention. The issue itself, its very nature, and specificity can also indicate what particular essential aspect needs to be awakened or realized in the person's life. An invaluable map begins to define itself. | |||
| Now lets turn our attention to applying this orientation about working on oneself to the subject at hand... | |||
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| We have been discussing the idea of a process of unfolding or maturity. In this organic process there are stages of birth and growth leading to this maturity. Understanding requires that we talk about three births. There is the obvious physical birth of the body. Second, is the psychological birth of the individual, which results in a sense of a self that is separate from the mother, which occurs in the first 3-5 years of life. The sense of an individual self depends primarily on the establishment of a well-integrated self-image. This idea of a cohesive self-image means that one takes oneself to be a mental structure, a construct of the mind. And along with the self-image is an internalized image of the mother. The individual, that is the self-image, is supported psychically by the presence of the mother's image, thus the child does not feel alone when physically separate from the mother. He feels supported by the presence of the mother's image, which gives him the sense of security which allows him to be away from her, and makes it safer to regard her as an autonomous person. Now the child has the capacity to see the other, in this case the mothering person, as a separate person in her own right. Thus the child experiences himself as an autonomous person interacting with another autonomous person. | |||
| In our work on the Personal Essence we will investigate the tremendous implications of the belief that the sense of being an individual is not only a developmental achievement, but is a feeling that results from identifying with a certain structure in the mind, the self-image. That is to take oneself to be a person, separate from others, with one's own volition, is simply to identify with this construct in the mind. This self-image, this psychic structure, is nothing simple or superficial. It is complex and profound, and the identification with it is just as profound. For our purposes however, it is crucial to remember that regardless of how completely the self-image has become part and parcel of one's sense of self, it is nevertheless simply a construct in the mind. | |||
| The third birth, which will be our aim during the course of this body of work, has to do with the quickening of a part of ourselves that is beyond the mind. Does the human being have a nature that is outside the memory of one's personal history? Spiritual teachings are concerned with human nature beyond ideas, images or concepts in the mind. For them a mental construct such as the self-image is fundamentally nonexistent, is illusory. For them, the fact that the mind contains a concept of a person does not mean that there is truly a person, any more than the concept of an apple is an apple. If we take the mental construct away, there is no separate individual; these teachings say that when the mind is still, then we see that there is no such thing as a separate individual. | |||
| We will be inquiring into the proposition that there is a presence independent of the mind. A sense of personal beingness that is independent of memory, personal history, and internalized images of others (object relations). This presence is the Personal Essence. It exists in potential form in each individual. One might call it a seed pearl. Our task will be to discover how to support its growth and maturation. | |||
| Each of the three births has specific requirements for successful development. The Personal Essence needs to be recognized, seen, appreciated, valued, and nourished. For the majority of us, what was seen, valued and supported was the product of the second birth the self-image. In fact parents and other significant people in your life most likely contributed greatly to the definition and creation of your self-image. Now as an adult you are deeply identified with it as, "who you take yourself to be.” With that in mind let's contrast the life of the self-image, which we also call the false personality or ego, with the Personal Essence. It is useful to keep in mind that the four primary characteristics of the Personal Essence are: true autonomy, beingness or presence, authenticity/personalness and contact. | |||
| One of the hallmark indications of the Personal Essence is the experience that you are being present in the moment and in your body and undefended. The ego, on the other hand, is living in the past or living in anticipation of some hoped-for future condition, relationship, activity, etc. Instead of feeling open and undefended, the ego is concerned with defenses. It projects a world that is scary, feels vulnerable, constantly on guard and hyper-vigilant. It builds forts, fences and employs strategies to stay safe. Sometimes it attacks others first in a preemptive strike. The Personal Essence, understands that life has all sorts of possibilities good and bad but relies on an innate sense of strength and power in reserve. | |||
| The Personal Essence gives you a sense of I am-ness. I just exist now. I feel complete, whole, full just as I am. You sense yourself as an authentic presence that is palpable, substantial, and full-bodied. The ego is always engaged in taking itself to be someone. Always trying to figure out who to be and how to be. It tries to hide the parts of itself that it feels will not be acceptable. It denies what it needs, feels and wants if these might threaten the self-image. The Personal Essence on the other hand allows you to be intimate and accepting of your true personal feelings, preferences and wants. | |||
| The hallmark of ego life is that instead of having personal feelings, it has old emotional patterns that we call reactivity. Since ego doesn't live in the present, it is always calling up old history and plastering it onto the people and situations of the moment. This old personal history defines: who it is, who the other person is, and how it should feel about them. Then like a slave, ego plays out the old show complete with feelings, fears, attitudes, impulses, and inclinations that it believes are really spontaneous! | |||
| The Personal Essence gives you a sense of innate confidence and freedom to just respond to the objective reality that presents itself in the moment. Reality is experienced in a clear, certain and precise way while contact is maintained. You feel open and present to the experience of real contact and intimacy with yourself and the other person. There is a joy in the spontaneous arising of reality. History does not define you and you can see and appreciate: me for who I am, the situation for what it is, the quality of the relationship as it is, and yourself as simply present. | |||
| The ego is constantly living out old historic patterns of belief and behavior which cause predictable results in life: the same feelings arise, the same relationship experience, the same job outcomes, etc. The repetition can make one feel hopeless, depressed, angry and frustrated. The Personal Essence gives you a place of presence, a place to stand and observe the impulse to recreate a pattern or the effect of a pattern. In this way you don't deny the old feelings, rather they are welcomed, understood and discharged. You work with the old patterns to digest and metabolize the ego structure they are associated with. | |||
| Ego is constantly engaged in the issue of independence. Some people feel dependent upon others, co-dependent, enmeshed, etc. They stay in this circumstance for fear of being separate and autonomous, or fear of losing love, acceptance, support, etc. They have surrendered their independence and manipulate themselves to maintain the relationship. On the other hand there are egos who work to be independent, often taking great pride in their independence. But the motive here is a fear of being overwhelmed, captured, imprisoned, absorbed, losing oneself, etc. They are constantly manipulating themselves to prove their independence. | |||
| The Personal Essence brings an end to the issue of dependence by revealing what real autonomy is. It reveals that true autonomy is existing independent of: mind, self-image demands, mental definitions, roles, etc. It is being completely and fully myself in the moment whether there is someone sitting on my lap, or no one within 1000 miles. | |||
| Many people suffer around the issues of intimacy and contact. There is a wide range of reactions: longing for real intimacy, fear of real intimacy, judgment that one is incapable of intimacy, denial of any need for it, etc. The truth is that the capacity for intimacy is a quality of the Personal Essence. It is the very presence, intelligence and substance of intimacy. Since it is present and without defensive barriers to prevent contact, real intimate contact is inevitable. It is like each of your atoms is moving in a field with the other and contacting each atom in them. All other forms and attempts at intimacy are fake compared to the Personal Essence. Only when the Personal Essence has been realized will you be free from the many and varied issues, conflicts, and barriers relating to intimacy. Imagine what a relationship between two egos is like. One self-image projecting an image from its past onto another person who is taking themselves to be a self-image and projecting an image from their personal history onto the other person. Neither self-image nor projection is real. How will these two establish a relationship with real contact and intimacy? | |||
| I hope this brief summary of the contrast between ego life and the Personal Essence will give you a taste of what this next body of work is about. It can also serve as a personal diagnosis as to where you are in the development of this aspect of being. | |||
| The Personal Essence when actualized is the mature human being. Ego, and ego life is not real, let alone human. We will call the ego the False Pearl in this next body of work. Our work will be to discover the true seed pearl, nurture it and support its expanding development. In the process we will use the content of the ego life as a food to be understood and metabolized to nourish the Pearl of Great Price. | |||
| There are specific behaviors and sets of issues related to the False Pearl as it attempts to mimic the qualities and attributes of the Personal Essence. By systematically examining each of these fake expressions of the False Pearl, we will disidentify from it and come to know the True Pearl. | |||
| Since the Personal Essence has a lot to do with interpersonal relating, contact, intimacy, and functioning we will be using each other and the group more for reflection and feedback. (In addition to our usual dyads and triads.) In fact, one of the wonderful effects of this work is that the group as a whole will develop a Pearl. A new Personal Essence will be birthed integrating and reflecting the development that each of us brings when we take our seat together. | |||
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| Many spiritual paths speak of developing the hidden treasure of our Essential Nature, The Pearl of Great Price or what is called "the Personal Essence" in some traditions. Wonderful tales speak of a young prince or princess embarking on a courageous quest to confront the powerful dragon who holds the precious Pearl in its terrifying jaws. After subduing the beast, the victorious hero or heroine returns home to a joyous celebration honoring their hard-won maturity and independence which make them fit to take their rightful place in the royal family. | |||
| Metaphorically, the life-threatening dragon represents the personality or ego. It is a primitive and immature structure jealously guarding the Pearl and the fulfillment it brings to those brave enough to seek it. Ego is a natural part of our psycho-spiritual development — it is useful in surviving and gaining life experience — but like the dragon it must be subdued, so that aspects of our Essential Nature can shine through and brighten our experience of life. | |||
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